⚠️ Trigger Warning: This blog post talks about anxiety and depression. If reading about these themes is not the best for you at this time, please do what’s best for you and click away from this post.
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
-Frank Herbert, Dune
Full discretion, I got into Dune because I’m a big Zendaya fan and saw the movie for that reason. What I didn’t expect though, is how one quotation would positively impact my mental health.
I suffer from anxiety and consider myself very introverted. In my current job, presentations are a core part of my duties (in retrospect, I didn’t expect my job to go in this direction, but you know – it is what it is.)
Here I was one Friday afternoon, instead of being excited about the upcoming weekend, I was filled with thoughts of anxiety about a big presentation I would have to make in 2 months. Yes, that’s right, not in a week, not even within the same month, but a couple of months from now. This, I fully recognize as a manifestation of anxiety and catastrophizing, and even though I recognize it, doesn’t mean I can fully stop it, unfortunately.
I started imagining what that podium will feel like. I started envisioning the many faces that would look at me. I couldn’t help but see myself stutter when I speak, palms drenched in sweat, and my surroundings becoming one big blur. Fear is the mind killer. The thought so abrupt that I couldn’t help but listen. In that moment, I knew there was truth in that statement.
I haven’t been a stranger to the concept of running away from something that scared me. In my case, I’ve unenrolled from classes in the past because I saw that a presentation was part of the class curriculum. I’ve quit a job to move to another one where I wasn’t required to talk to people. Overall, my anxiety was worse than I cared to admit.
I weaved through life too scared about going to therapy or starting medication for my anxiety, and it led me to some dark paths and negative self-talk. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. Anxiety and depression, unchecked, made me feel like I was nothing. It grounded my self-confidence to a pulp and made me feel like I was nothing. When you let fears dictate your life, it will obliterate what’s good in you.
I will face my fear. I permit it to pass over me and through me. It took almost 3 years after I admitted to myself the severity of my anxiety. Where I stood now with these anxious thoughts creeping up, I decided that the only way to move passed it was forward. I knew that this presentation was inevitable, so I thought about what the moment would feel like when it came time for it. I didn’t want to run away again because, simply, I was exhausted from running.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. How long will this presentation last? In my case it would only be about 30 minutes maximum. When it is over, I’ll look forward to being able to objectively look at how I did – what I did well, and what I could improve on. Overall, what mattered was growth. If the experience will give me an opportunity to be a little better each day, then it can’t be that bad for me.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. That’s exactly it. When the presentation is over, the fear would have gone and passed. Then I can reflect: did that event destroy me? No. Did I do horribly? No. I will still remain standing as I am – of course, glad that it’s over, but proud of myself for having the courage to have faced my fear.
In the reality of things, dreading a single event due to fear and anxiety may feel unbearable at the time. But, going through this mantra as a thought exercise helped me find calm in the turbulent sea of my anxiety. It let me see that I will come out as a stronger person for having the courage to face my fear.
But friends, this is only one method I use to help myself, and how a quote from one of my favorite saga eased the dread that came with my anxiety. I highly encourage speaking with a licensed mental health professional to supplement and continue in your healing journey.
Take care of yourselves and each other.